I Hate Sports Club Letters, 2009

18 Jan 09

Subject: can you start a Facebook page?

please? For the love of everything holy. How did I marry a bears fan? For the love of God.

If you won't I WILL! HA HA!

Happy New Year.

Sonia

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19 Jan 09

Subject: fags!

i'm a memebr of my varsity football team and i really hate people like you. how are you supposed to get girls if your not out playing the sports? without sports there'd just be a bunch of gay nerds running around and touching eachother. how are you supposedd to be popular if you don't play sports? what the hell is wrong with you guys? don't you care about having friends in high school? the whole point of going to school is to make friends and be popular. socialize! ever hear of it? you guys are just angry because you have no friends and want to get back at the jocks like me. fags!

-Harold

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19 Jan 09

Subject: re: fags!

Hello.

I don't think sports are evil, they're a healthy component of our culture.

From my childhood till I was a young adult, I watched all the football / hockey / basesball games as were mandatory. As I grew older, I just discovered other things that I enjoyed more.

Now that I've grown up, I feel that professional sports, and especially athletes are way, way over valued. The morning after the big game, while the millionaire athletes sleep it off in their mansions, the people who really make the world go around, (the doctors, the garbage collectors, the cops, waitresses, soldiers, nurses and janitors) do the work that really matters.

Too many "superstar atheletes" are the product of a lifetime of being worshipped. After years of being told how much better they are than everyone else, they actually believe it.

For one to say that a person is less of a man for not following sports or worshiping athletes only proves that he does not yet grasp the concept of what it truly means to be a man.

M

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20 Jan 09

Subject: Sports Suck

Hey,

I was very happy to discover your website this morning. The stupidity of sports seems so obvious that it's just baffling how many people just don't get it. Hopefully this self-evident truth (that watching sports is a boring, pointless waste of time) will eventually get across to them. So thanks for fighting the good fight. I've attached an essay I wrote 3-4 years ago while suffering through high school gym class; you can do whatever you want with it. Thanks again,

Andreas

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25 Jan 09

Subject: sports

I just came across your site, from following a link someone posted on a message board. I never thought to look for such a site online, it's quite refreshing! I've been fed up with sports-minded half-brained idiots for years.

A great example of the sports mentality happened in my hometown just a few years back. A 17-year-old boy, local high school baseball and wrestling star, was driving in his car after school, and was apparently in a hurry. He passed someone in a no passing zone, and struck an oncoming vehicle head-on. The 17-year-old died instantly, as did the couple in the other vehicle that he hit, a man and woman in their 60's.

All you heard from the local radio and newspapers and television stations, was how much of a tragedy it was that this local sports star died. You never heard about how such an irresponsible act took the lives of several people. More specifically, you heard nothing about how the careless and irresponsible act of this supposed up-and-coming local sports legend took the lives of two innocent people.

Nope. A local sports hero died. That's *all* that was important. One of the local television stations actually did have the daughters of the couple that perished in the accident on the news. It was just a very brief interview with them, with one of them just pointing out how ridiculous it was how so many were speaking about the tragedy of losing such a great athlete, and paying no mind at all to their loss and how the irresponsible acts of this "hero" caused it all. No comment from the news staff.

Keep up the great work with the site!

- S.D.

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29 Jan 09

Subject:

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s show some solidarity this Sunday. When every grunting Neanderthal is bellowing himself hoarse in front of the Stupidbore game, stuffing chips and beer down his face and farting fit to awaken the dead, we shall be getting on with our lives, doing yard work, spending time with our families, or reading an improving book, watching a two-fisted movie, shooting the snot out of aliens in a video game or tickling the fancy of a delectable young lady who respects us for not being a knuckle-dragging armchair jock.

Been invited to a Stuporbore party? Turn up, spend some time chatting with your friends and ignore the game. Are you in a restaurant where the “event” is clogging up the TV sets on the walls? Turn your back on the yawn-fest and order a gigantic steak. I once watched ZZ Top and James Brown “perform” during the half-time festivities. I was appalled that they mimed. So there’s nothing to watch during the whole Supersnore, from beginning to end. Fly the flag: be an individual and do something fun instead.

Sports suck.

Stephen

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31 Jan 09

Subject: I agree and Disagree

Hi, My name is Joel and I have some agreements and some disagreements about the site. Do not get me wrong, I'm not saying take it off the web nor am I saying that you should erase anything. I just thought I'd type a post that gave my honest opinion on it.

This is not a hate letter, however, I've noticed that all of the posts that I have read have either been solely agreements or complete disagreements. Oh warning: this letter will not be the best organized so you will have to forgive me for it, I'm just writing as it comes to my head.

Before I get into my opinion, I am going to first APPLAUD you for finally making a site that us who don't follow sports as much or at all can rant at. I love it! I've examined the site and here is what I have to say.

1. I have never been a big sports fan. Don't get me wrong, basketball is okay, I like swimming(yes it's a sport), hell I even watch olympics(I like swimming and track). I like Golf, and tennis is okay. However, I don't care for football, not crazy about baseball and I hate soccer! From my experience, yes there were periods in which I felt left out and some days I do regret it. I know I shouldn't but I do. My buds, even tell me, I should not feel left out when it's something I do not like. I guess because it's the status quo.

2. In my opinion there is nothing wrong w/ having sports teams in school. I mean, yes school is about an education I agree, but there is certainly nothing wrong w/ extra curricular activities.

3. Sports are overrated, nothing wrong w/ people that play them, but I find it most annoying when athletes cannot find anything else to talk about. Especially knowing that you don't follow sports, but ramble on and on about the fucking interception that so and so through. That is rude.

While I do not see anything wrong w/ sports and recreation in the schools and there is nothing wrong w/ the trophies, however, I ABSOLUTELY agree that there is more emphasis placed on sporting equipment then computer equipment and new text books. Why doesn't the art department get funded? They put their all into what the do, but yet, they are passed up like melted ice cream! THAT's what my problem is. Not sports in and of themselves, because some sports programs, help youth stay focused. Many live in neighboorhoods where, that really is their only safe alternative. If it werent for that, they'd be on the streets committing deliquent deeds. And the leaders of these programs teach kids about life. So I love an organization like that, that can help a child find a goal in life. But I hate, the stigma that is attached to sports. If a guy does not follow sports, then he's considered a girl, fruit, pansy, fairy, etc, etc, etc. Okay I've ranted enough on that, let's get to the screaming at the TV.

My brother and dad do this when it comes football. I mock them personally, because I honestly do not believe that screaming is going to change the outcome of the game! How about when your tv show is interrupted for a baseball game? And don't even get me started on fucking overtime! LOL, wow I've been wanting to get this out for so long, but unfortunately I only recently discovered your site(about a couple of years ago). I can't believe that this site has been out since 2002.

Can I get to my last complaint for this letter? The ridiculous salary that an athlete makes for throwing a god damn ball. At the LOWEST an athlete will make $300,000 anually. And that's for sitting on the bench! There are people who have worked for years who don't make that yearly salary and they do alot more important jobs. I mean, social workers, teachers, occupational therapists, education administrators. I'm going into social work and if I get a masters I MIGHT earn a salary of $40,000-$50,000 a year, and even then it depends on where I find work. I probably will need a wife that has a career if I want to live in a middle class lifestyle.

Anyway, I'm going to close this letter, by just saying, that I'm not entirely opposed to sports by any means, BUT I do resent many attributes of athletes and for a good reason. I hope that you post this and you can feel free to email me.

Joel

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2 Feb 09

Subject: Hated sports all my life

I'm 65 years old and never liked sports. I'm a guy, and really the only "sport" i like is fishing, if you can even consider it a sport.

People my whole life thought I wasn't straight because I didn't know the score of the lastest football game and other crap like that.

To me sports are just an excuse for lazy men to get drunk and sit on their asses, while the other men who don't watch sports are well tending to our familys.

I have a friend who is a loud, drunk sport fanatic. Every year he throws a superbowl party, we live in an apartment complex right next to him, so you can imagine how loud it gets, it continues up until 4am and we can't complain because the apartment manager is taking part of the party.

Unfortunately, my wife is a sports fan which I didn't see coming a mile away. However we respect each other and when she wants to watch sports she either goes to the bedroom or I do, we don't fight over it or anything.

L

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9 Feb 09

Subject: jock under the radar

I was watching President Obama tonight give his address to the Amoron -- I mean American people. He talked about the economy, healthcare, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Reporters asked intelligent questions about these issues, and Obama handled them like a pro. It was an enlightening conference, until one reporter asked:

"What do you think of Dick Bedwetter being fired from the St. Louis 'Tards 'cause of steroid use?"

Predictably, Obama respectfully answered his question, shaking his head, and saying it's a shame.

With all due respect to Obama, he's not qualified to handle sports matters. However, this guy is.

President Oslamma: You've come here tonight to ask a silly question about some stupid fuckwad drug-addled ballplayer who can't be happy with his millions of fucking dollars, so he has to shoot up and be the incredible hulk. We're in financial quicksand, and all you can think about is baseball? I think you're just as stupid as that loser jock.

Which reminds me. As an addendum to my plan to jumpstart the economy, I will slash the salaries of dumbass jocks in football, baseball, basketball, hockey, all team sports; so that the average lunkhead with a baseball bat or shoulder pads will make no more than your average mailman. Howzzat?

For too many years, nay, too many fucking years we have spoiled jocks and their comformist admirers, like that fucktard reporter who just asked that stupid question. I think the jock is a major part of why our society is so fucked up.

So now we're gonna steal back the pedestals under your feet, Jocks & Toadies. The only way you won't fall down is by hanging on. For that, we've provided you a nice hangman's noose.

Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen

-Ted

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14 Feb 09

Subject: Stadium Swindle

I stumbled onto this book published by the University of Nebraska Press while doing research on how much of a financial drain sports stadiums were on their host cities. I thought other people might be interested too:

Field of Schemes is a play-by-play account of how the drive for new sports stadiums and arenas drains $2 billion a year from public treasuries for the sake of private profit. While the millionaires who own sports franchises have seen the value of their assets soar under this scheme, taxpayers, urban residents, and sports fans have all come out losers, forced to pay both higher taxes and higher ticket prices for seats that, thanks to the layers of luxury seating that typify new stadiums, usually offer a worse view of the action.

The stories in Field of Schemes, from Baltimore to Cleveland and Minneapolis to Seattle and dozens of places in between, tell of the sports-team owners who use their money and their political muscle to get their way, and of the stories of spirited local groups—like Detroit’s Tiger Stadium Fan Club and Boston’s Save Fenway Park!—that have fought to save the games we love and the public dollars our cities need.

This revised and expanded edition features the first comprehensive reporting on the recent stadium battles in Washington DC, New York City, and Boston as well as updates on how cities have fared with the first wave of new stadiums built in recent years.

Ray

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15 Feb 09

Subject: I Hate Sports

Thank God for this website. I have always hated sports for as long as I can remember. I think it is crazy the cult that is created around sports and how much the actors are paid. A few weeks ago, there was this football player kaka and a team bid over £100 million for him, not only did I think that was crazy but also in a middle of an economic slump people are prepared to pay millions! At my previous school we were alowed to choose what sports we did, which I thought was much better, than being made to play sports you didn't want to play. Bar from the school where I was able to choose, I have always hated sports at school. I hate sports on T.V. as well, sports like cricket seem to drone on for hours. I can't wait till sports are banned. Keep up the good work guys.

Lewis

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22 Mar 09

Subject: None

You don't have to pay attention to any sport if you don't want to. There are a lot of different demographics and some of those demographics love sports There are some who don't. I love sports because they're fun to participate in and it's also fun to live vicariously through players and teams we follow. Sports are fun and while some people do revolve their whole lives around them, it's certainly not everyone. What's the difference between loving sports or loving to cook or loving to draw. There are a lot of things in this world that are pointless, actually most of them are but we're all different and we all enjoy and put a certain emphasis on different things. It's not wrong or right, it's just part of who human nature. I don't get why people would waste so much time on something they hate, go do what you love and let everyone else do what they love.

Christian

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30 Mar 09

Subject: A Missive

While I can’t deny a certain amount of angst on my part directed against sports fanaticism, celebrity worship, etc., and am somewhat heartened to read these letters from others who, apparently, share my opinions, I am pessimistic about the prospect of any positive change occurring in this state of affairs.

We can mollify our childhood resentments at having our masculinity called into question by submitting expletive-filled letters and posts ad infinitum, however, I believe the fact of the matter is that what we are seeing (in this obsession with sport and leisure) is a symptom of a society in decline, and that there is little that we can do to effect change. I suspect that there was a silent minority of long-forgotten individuals in Roman society as well who resented the massive expenditure of state resources on “The Games”, but they too were powerless in staving off the inevitable.

Ours is not a perfect world. Human beings are capable of both petty cruelty, and amazing kindness. The best we can do, I feel, is to “endeavor to persevere”, to rise above the madness, to live our own lives as honorably and respectfully as possible, and to offer our hearts and hands to those in need. Ours can be a lonely, painful road at times, but I am hopeful there will be peace at the end of it.

SDO

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1 Apr 09

Subject: boo fucking hoo

My friend and I went to see a movie on Saturday. Among the half hour's worth of previews and commercials was this ad:

Brett Crotchgrabber, from the New Orleans Butz says, "I was giving it my all out in the field. We were head to head with the Detroit Pissers, but my team lost. We were down two points." (Bows head in sorrow.)

Now I don't know exactly what they were advertising. I forgot. What stuck with me was his hilarious depression over losing. Shut up, Jock. You're already getting paid. Admit it, you really don't give a shit.

As for the fans: Please, I want some sports half-nut to turn to me on the train trying to start a conversation and say, "That game was horrible, wasn't it? We were down five points. I don't know about you, but I could barely make it in to work today."

I would laugh right in his face. I will never, ever understand why someone would be miserable about a loss in some stupid game that's merely the trillionth in all the games played in the world. Why don't these douchebags get depressed over homelessness, war, etc. If they did, maybe the depression would turn to anger and more people would do something about these crises that plague us.

But no, a fatal final score is the only thing that troubles these idiots. If I had to bond with them over this useless shit, my IQ would drop 90 points. It's not worth it.

-Ted

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3 Apr 09

Subject: Ban Ben Cockayne

Jock needs prison time

This absolute disgrace of a so called sportsman who did a totally manly and brave thing by stamping on a man's head with a group of other rugby league thugs, which should have resulted in him being inside a prison for at least 3 years, should now be banned from playing for his club Hull KR. I hope the club do the decent thing and sack him, but unfortunately after a piffling suspension, this moron will no doubt be back in action and the sheep that follow this worthless game will probably say his victim asked for it After all this is a sport which in recent years saw a 16 stone Maori forward half kill his wife in a car park and receive a trivial 90 day sentence, with his team place restored at Workington after he was released, and four others receive minor fines for attacking a man in a nightclub car park which resulted in serious injuries. Also the aggressive, thuggish nature of amateur players often empties local bars as having two sets of rival players together often leads to a brawl.

I have no objection to people's choice in what sport they play, and follow lower level soccer,tennis and horse racing, but rugby league seems to be a breeding ground for thugs and bullies who think they are above the law and seem to think their bulk and pack nature makes them invincible. I shall be in contact with Hull KR about Cockayne and see what they say as this guy deserves to be a non person.

Enraged of England

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26 Apr 09

Subject: To Harold

Dear Harold,

You hate people like me, but you don't understand that people like you create people like me. The Harolds in my life taught me from an early age to loath, hate, and despise all things sports related. And nothing has changed. The Harolds of the world still act like idiots, and the rest of us still hate and ignore what Harolds hold dear.

Sports Suck because Harolds everywhere love them so much. Chew on that for awhile you jock wiener boys.

John

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3 May 09

Subject: Mother Nature Bursts Jocks' Bubble

12 Injured When Roof Of Dallas Cowboys' Practice Bubble Collapses

.

IRVING, Texas — Whenever a storm hits while the Dallas Cowboys are inside their practice facility, the sound of rain pelting the tent-like structure can drown out conversation. No matter the noise, safety rarely was an issue — until Saturday.

Wind that was just shy of tornado strength, and perhaps stronger, ripped through the roof during a rookie minicamp practice, essentially popping the so-called bubble. Between the falling debris and the furor to get out, special teams coach Joe DeCamillis broke his back and 11 more people were hospitalized.

About 60 others felt lucky to escape with only cuts and bruises.

I think it's entirely apropos that they practice in a bubble. Society keeps them in a bubble of delusion, praise, obsession, god-like status and, of course, big bucks. It's becoming increasingly apparent that Nature has had enough of jock shenanigans too. Good for Mother Nature.

In the words of greaser Danny from Grease: "That jock leaves a bit of his brains in his helmet every time."

-Ted

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4 May 09

Subject: A Town Full of Jocks

POTTSVILLE, Pa. – Prosecutors called the beating death of an illegal immigrant from Mexico a hate crime, and they urged an all-white jury in Pennsylvania coal country to punish two white teenagers for their roles in the attack.

Instead, the jury found the teens not guilty of all serious charges, a decision that elicited cheers and claps from the defendants' families and friends — and cries of outrage from the victim's.

Brandon Piekarsky, 17, was acquitted of third-degree murder and ethnic intimidation, while Derrick Donchak, 19, was acquitted of aggravated assault and ethnic intimidation. Both were convicted of simple assault late Friday following a trial in which jurors were left to sort out the facts of an epithet-filled brawl that pitted popular football players against a 25-year-old Hispanic man, Luis Ramirez, who appeared willing to fight.

Tell me, what do you expect from a town full of working class, blue collar, football loving, white trash; balloons, flowers and an I'm sorry card? That's why, in all my travels, I will steer clear of these small, hick towns.

-Ted

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13 May 09

Subject: MORE BLING?

I knew I wasn’t the only person in the world who thought sports were a huge waste of time. I’m so glad to see that others like myself are coming forward and voicing their opinions.

I firmly agree that many people don’t actually like sports but simply go along with the fanatics to keep from being ostracized. It amazes me that so many people waste so much time viewing a game just to see the outcome. As far as I’m concerned I already know the outcome. There will be a winner and there will be a loser. I don’t really care which is which or by how many points! I pride myself in keeping myself in shape. I make sure to get my exercise while these morons waste their time sitting in front of a TV watching yet another game! I’ve managed to attain many personal accomplishments in my lifetime. All because I simply haven’t wasted so much time watching game after game on TV. We’re faced with a multitude of world problems today. If you added up all time and money associated with sports and simply devoted that towards poverty and world hunger, those problems could be resolved once and for all. Yet these same morons act as if it’s more important to “support your favorite team”. I fail to see what’s so damned important about that. Could it be because their favorite sports pros need more bling?

Gonz

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16 May 09

Subject: Sports SUCK

Ohmigod im so glad im not the only one! In my county, sports are like all that matters to people (Along with myspace, facebook, rap, hiphop, you name it. It kills my brain cells a little at a time every day to see people in such a sheep-like behavior) - I once said I don't like sports and got the "You don't like them because you aren't good at them" excuse.

How does that even make any sense!

They're SPECTATORS, not the players themselves (Who I have respect for, takes a lot of hard work and dedication to become a professional)

And so... I love you guys for existing.

Sheepish behavior is for idiots!

Luis

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21 May 09

Subject: Where have you been all my life???

I am 19 yr old college student who can proudly say- "I hate sports!"

I've tried; I've really tried...All my friends are dedicated sports fans so I naturally tried to fit it in. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not bring myself to appreciate the mundane actions that happen on my television screen. People throwing a leather ball back and forth for hours like ignorant brutes...how can they stand it? I cannot. Of course, there is nothing wrong with quick sports games, and as you say, "staying fit" (I actually go to the gym almost every day). I'll even admit that I like playing tennis, volleyball, hockey, and even football with my friends once and a while. Hell, I'm the first to say yes to go see the Patriots at Gillette Stadium. I like the atmosphere, the humanity, the excitement; everyone there feels a sort of brotherly compassion.

So to me sports are more of a casual thing to do with friends and acquaintances to pass the time, rather than an essential part of life. I cringe when I come across the "sports" section in a newspaper. I sigh in disappointment when I hear the salaries of these grandiose baseball players, I shake my head in pity when I see the ignorant masses flock to buy overpriced tickets, and I can only shed a tear of despair when people take time out of their lives to memorize useless sport statistics. I beg of you! Is there nothing better you can commit to memory? Forget how many touchdowns that quarterback had last season. Instead, do you even know the most fundamental topics of modern day science, such as evolution? Do you care? Where have we been? Where are we going? Nowhere with this society has that put sports on a pedestal worthy only of the highest forms of intelligence. I say unto you- banish the professional sports that have made a mockery of humanity for centuries.

And thank you for helping me realize that I am not the only one. We should come out of the closet, embrace that which makes us different, stand up and say proudly "I HATE SPORTS!"

-Alex J. B.

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04 Jun 09

Subject: What's your deal?

What planet are you from? If testosterone is coursing through your
veins, you must love sports? Therefore (insert conclusion here).

You say our schools should be sanctuaries of learningand education.
Learning and education is the opiate of the masses.

Where did you get that college exam? That can't be real. I can't
believe you can't see that. Maybe you're as dumb as your website.

http://www.legendsofsports.blogspot.com

Craig Storm

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8 Jun 09

Subject: I Hate Sports

Hi Fellow Sports Hater,
I'm a YouTube film maker and posted this film, "I Hate Sports" today. It seems right up your alley:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRA7GQD6Gws

Cheers,
John Kramer
www.britethorn.com

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8 Jun 09

Subject: Sports Suck. Period.

Im a 24 year old guy. Ive grown up my entire life disliking sports. I hated every douchebag on every high school sport team, and have no respect for any pro athlete. Heres why: They accomplish absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. Yet somehow, they gain more respect, pride, and unfortunately money than people who dedicate their lives to curing cancer or child diseases, or building spacecrafts to send people to the moon, or in other words, people who DO accomplish things. Sports are good for one thing. Entertainment. That is all. Yet parents of this generation feel the need to push their children into team based sports to learn to do what? Teamwork? Pride? Discipline? Look at Harold's letters above. That's what competitive sports teach children; that they are better. that they can come to websites like this and call people who are different fags. that they can bully their classmates for not being a part of their extremely over-the-top trendy world, or that being interested in things that arent about balls, scoring points, and wearing stupid outfits aren't as acceptable. It teaches them that friends, social groups, being cool, being popular, and apparently getting lots and lots of girls is what is important... which anyone who isnt retarded knows is far from the truth. I think at one point in time, competitve sports may have been healthy and fun, but i think sports have been warped into a contest of social status, fame, and money. its a shame that sports are so valued because they accomplish so little. Somebody tell me why Kobe Bryant makes more money than Barack Obama. HOW?!?! Sports should be viewed for what they are: simple stupid fun. Thats all they are! Im going to go out on a limb and say that I honestly believe competitve sports are unhealthy in many ways. The values once found in sports no longer exist. and now we have douchebag children who honest to God think they have something on other people because of silly fucking games! its fucking pathetic. Makes me not want to have children. Ever. God help humanity. and fuck sports.

Kevin

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15 Jun 09

Subject: I Hate Sports 2

Hi Sports Suck,
Hope you like the second installment in my, "I Hate Sports" series!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvKVU4keoj8

Cheers,
John Kramer
Chicago

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4 Jul 09

Subject: Football Letter

Hey. I wanted to say that I really like your site and share your views on sports. I was thinking about an experience last year when I was stuck in a massive football-related traffic jam, and I felt compelled to write some of my thoughts down. (No idea why I waited until now to do it.) I thought your readers might appreciate it.

Thomas

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16 Jul 09

Subject: Thank You

Thank you so much for this website. Ever since I was a little kid and being forced to play sports at school and by my parents I have hated it. I've had a lifelong contempt of conformity and doing/believing things because everyone else does/believes the same. I'm not going to say that I'm a typical heterosexual male and the only thing different about me is my hatred of sports. I am bisexual and sort of on the effiminate side. The only complaint I have about the website is the sort of apologetic way many of the contributors defend their "real manhood" and I get where they are coming from. But the real issue for me is are you a man by birth and biology? Then you're a man. End of story. Liking or disliking anything are personal tastes, not tests for gender.

Thanks for letting me rant. -Jacob.

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17 Jul 09

Subject: UK Soccer Manager Shot!

Would you believe that a masked gunman has shot the manager of a UK football club?

It says here:

UK Soccer Manager Shot!

UK Soccer Manager Shot!

Does anyone here want to claim responsibility?

Or should we start a website just for that?

( Call it "I'm Sportacuss...!")

Chris

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18 Jul 09

Subject: The Opiate of the Masses

Firstly, I really appreciate the vast compendium of logical sentiments expressed by those who feel as I feel--that sports are a corruption of human intelligence.

Though I know I am (largely) preaching to the choir, I must express that the intrinsic nature of sports is benign. I feel that like many other competitive activities, sports are an outlet through which we can challenge one another. Yes, I haven't ill feelings toward physical activity manifested through a game of pickup basketball or even bar softball. I enjoy sports when participating in them serves as exercise or socialization.

The line is drawn in my opinion, however, when the enjoyment of participation gives way to sedentary spectating. I cannot rationalize how one can form such a compelling connection with an abstract entity (in my example, a sports team) with which one has no material relationship. Perhaps I was not correctly socialized in my youth. Perhaps my upbringing lacked the structure and discipline necessary to hone my personality to be of the type that idolizes a variety of entertainment that polarizes one's opinions arbitraryily and who's outcome deeply effects one's emotional state. I don't know why I don't "fall in line".

I have a hypothesis, however. There exists a Roman political metaphor which I feel applies to the present manifestation of sports: "Give them bread and circuses and they will never revolt". Perhaps sports are to contemporary society what circuses were to the Romans: a distraction from truly compelling ideas; a deviation from our responsibilities as citizens.

I write this email to express my disdain with the public fixation on sports, not to promote some political ideal, but I believe that, as humans, we damage ourselves with our lust for distraction. How can it be that those concerned with knowledge, current events and discovery can be marginalized on the basis of not finding the public's current domain of trivialities enthrawling? I am certain that it is easier to become a master of arcane statistics and memorabilia, but, given that it has no bearing on one's future, is it gratifying?

It is likely that the indoctrinates will dismiss my views as those of an antisocialite or a jaded sports reject--that is not at issue. What is relevant is that we realize that entertainment is liesure--not responsibility. We must help those in the margins to learn and grow before they submit to the petty consumption of sports.

-Mike

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5 Sep 09

Subject: You think you had it bad.

My dad's a football coach! I had to watch idiots run around playing a child's game MANDATORILY! I don't think that's a word but still. I hate that most of the smart,musically inclined people like me have to live with D-Bags like Harold stealing any and all thoughts of mating. I have too live with fat remarks, gay remarks, and all that stupid ass sheeyat. I hope most cocks know that after high school or perhaps college they will be fat factory workers. While I will be playing my guitar for thousands of people with actual talent.

I think a story is in order for my rant. During the summer I visited my grandma. I had my guitar so I could play on the beach. Well before then my bonehead cousins were yammering on about football and baseball and all that ****. So I told them that they are only famous because they played a child's game better than someone else. My grandma looked at me and said, "Well, isn't that what the guitar players do?" I made on O Rly face at her. How in the name of hell are Dimebag Darrell, Randy Rhoads, Eddie Van Halen, and Jimmy Page comparable to asshats like oh wait......I don't know who those nerds are. I don't waste my time! I want to have a career that does not involve making paper airplanes.

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to this.

T

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6 Sep 09

Subject: Movie: Big Fan

What happens to the most rabid football fan when he meets his gridiron idol at a club? Not what he expects. And you'll find out when you watch this movie, which is an insightful, funny study of a desperate character. Patton Oswalt does an excellent job playing the Big Fan. He's a parking lot attendant glued to a sports radio show by day, and a guy who lives with his mother and calls in to a sports radio show by night. It's a great satire of jock worship and both game fanatics and game detractors will love it. It has a few slow moments, but it also has some surprises too. And it's a refreshing take on America's most overblown pastime, which always gets mired down in underdog makes good cliches. Perhaps the movie's audience will learn to laugh at the rabid ball followers next to them, and the score junkies will be seen in a new light. A spotlight of ridicule.

-Ted

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17 Sep 09

Subject:

to the "fags" comment.

You know, it takes a lot of guts to go after something unique, like writing, or art,or philosophy or whatever else, when the culture we live in only says that your worthy of public office, or being the head of a company, based on athletic prowess. How many CEO's are out there that got the job by skimming past work assignments, knowing full well that their scholarship is safe as long as they keep making touchdowns or home runs or something. Probably more than you think. These same people that were trying to terrorize those unlike themselves are now the heads of all the companies that you curse.

I socialized plenty in highschool, and there's probably a 10% chance that someone in artschool ever was into sports either. Not being into sports has never been something that kept me from the types of women that i like. it's myopic to suppose that society only exists because of sports. We don't hate you, because without sports, you guys would really be trouble, having no way to execute your aggressions in controlled environments. If you love rules, and not having any individuality, or personality then maybe organized sports is just the thing for you. The rest of us are making our own rules.

Sports started as a way for the rich greeks to find good slaves to try to have sex with. (ie homosexuals, "fags"). You don't see much butt slapping at writers conferences, do you? You're carrying on a time honored tradition of gayness in your embrace of organized sports. So maybe you might be a "fag" too. Spending so much time in the locker room seems counterintuitive to a heterosexual lifestyle.

Some more points to consider: When you're watching the game, how do you know the fix isn't in? How do you know that every player isn't on drugs, and their stamina and endurance and speed aren't all pharmaceutical in origin. How can sports be any good when a guy that kills and tortures dogs gets a pass and is allowed to keep earning millions? how many more examples like this have ever happened in the history of sports. More than anyone can name, i'm sure.

On The subject of pro sports teams, let's look at how they ever come about. Some rich guy buys a team. He hires people to run the team. The people that run the team for that town or city, get people from all areas of the earth, none of which have probably ever even heard of "green Bay" or "Cleveland". Others are from other cities, and don't really care about Cleveland or Green Bay, much less about the fans there. So you're rooting for a grouping of private contractors to give you the patina of an organization. That is till they trade your favorite player to another team. Now that player cares ever the less about you, the fan.

The arenas doesn't care either.

One more thing.... These women attached to your favorite sports personality? They just want the money. if they lost an arm, and couldn't play anymore, just see how long they stick by their man. These are the sorts of women I seek to avoid, so again, thanks to you sportsmen, the process of weeding out has been ramped up. You are as necessary as garbagemen.

Info

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21 Oct 09

Subject: Oh, good grief.

To whom it may concern over in the Enlightened Offices Of The Evolved:

More and more now, I'm convinced that people who outwardly dislike sports were never taught how to loosen up.

Signed,
Just Discovered The Wheel

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21 Oct 09

Subject: Why I LOVE playing Basketball *not a corny patriotic email

I stumbled upon your website through various random links and enjoyed reading a few of the articles. For most of what I read I agreed with, but I'm afraid that you probaly forget that there is a minority of people out there, that are reasonably intelligent and "nerdy" that do in fact LOVE sports.

Now I understand that none of you have probaly ever taken up a sport seriously in your lives. Well I have, and have learnt very important things about life.

I'll use Basketball as my example, a sport that I am quite fond of playing. Nothing to do with the game mechanics as such, as it's pretty pointless and retarded. You may as well play the one minute of basketball and see who scores the most in my point of view. But there is something very special about Basketball. People that are very good at this sport also happen to be very successful at life. Women, fortune, "being cool", all seem to come in a very neat little package for these gifted people. Maybe it's because they're good at the sport, so women fall in love with them, people want to give them jobs etc etc. The reality of it all is, that they are not very good at the sport at all. Their popularity would not end if they stopped playing Basketball in high school. Their parents would still be rich, they would still be good looking and always be cool.

This is their advantage in sport. If you're on top of the pecking order in a team, you can gurantee people will pass it to you in hope that they can be a part of your success. Maybe, just maybe they will look as cool as you, and hopefully you won't put them down the next time you're socialising with friends. I have seen some of the most disgraceful Basketballers get up to a professional level and succeed based on who they are alone. Sure they were tall and looked athletic, but at the end of the day all they really had to do was stand there and try and put the ball in the hoop. Being tall and strong will always validate you as a good basketball player. If you're 7 feet tall and know how to put a ball in a ring, you're half way there to success. It's not like anyone can really stop you, you're a freakin giant and the slightest interference when you have the ball will result in a foul.

Then we have myself. A "short" 6 foot 1 twerp. You see me lined up on the fence as you select your team. I've lived on a farm all my life and can lift more weight than the average person, but you don't see that. You see a person that's got no visible attractive muscle, just some boney guy with ugly bicep bulges. I knew I was playing sport today so I didn't shower. I'm probaly wearing no more than ten dollars worth of clothes bought from a second-hand store. So you choose the other guy I mentioned previously.

I'm not bitter at all. I am the underdog of society, and I would not change that for the world. I play on people that are more successful than me at life. So I choose to hurt them at the one thing they are supposed to be good at. Basketball. I play my sports using my mantra "RELENTLESS PRESSURE". These guys I play against have never had any kind of pressure in their life. Money has never been an issue, they never had to sweat over a girl breaking up with them, because another one would come along in a flash. These guys have it too easy, which is why I make it as hard for them to play as possible. I get in all my players faces and make every desperate attempt to knock the ball away from them. I have not always played like this. It just came to me one day when I was down in a position my coach instructed me to go, watching my opponent waltz right by me and score easy points. I realised that the whole "strategy" basketball coaches use is flawed. Zones are too predictable. Sure they can limit damage and possibly force a turnover, but in reality they just delay the inevitable scoring. Eventually I got sick and tired of letting these people that were supposedly better than me score, when I could have prevented it otherwise. I started playing my own game. When the other team would pass it in, I would pretend to be walking off picking my nose before charging in and making a steal. Of course my coach was furious the first time I did this, which resulted in me getting kicked off the team and transferring to another club.

I found myself with a coach that actually warmed to my idea. Basketball games would consist of me battling it out with the other 5 opposition in their half of the court. A lot of people would watch these games bemused at the sight of me running around playing against every player, while the rest of my team mates stood in their zones in absolute boredom. If ever there was a way of denying victory I would do it.

We were up by one point with 5 minutes to go, in my final game of semi-pro Basketball. I simply held on to the ball, deflecting it off their feet to go out of bounds and eat up the clock. The crowd was hysterical and were yelling at me as if I were shooting kittens. I will never forget the looks in my opponents eyes. They would all go off and eventually have more successful careers than I would, but in the mean time they were hurting. They had all played the whole year being on top of the ladder, training 2 days a week, travelling all over the state to play. Yet it all came down to me having the ball, and them not. I wasn't going to do anything silly like pass the ball, or try and score. I was going to keep that ball and make them suffer for all the things they take for granted that I don't get. The game meant absolutely nothing to me. All it meant was I would have one more useless trophy to keep in my room and collect dust. The last time they played us we got thrashed and they expressed their masculinity by calling us all sorts of nasty names. I spent every last minute mocking them while I bounced the object around that they so pathetically wanted. It might sound like I have some kind of sadistic agenda against the Paris Hiltons of the world. But to be honest I just find it so amusing that I could toy with these people's emotions so easily. I mean they ARE better than me right?

I now do coaching for under 12 boys basketball teams. Before each season I have always picked the teams that have come last from the previous age group, and instruct them to play my brand of Basketball. I have had a few parents pull their kids out, with a few nasty words to me on the side. A few more reasonable parents have often questioned the way I instruct kids to play, pointing out that I'm not gearing these kids to be professional Basketball players. My answer is that I'm simply gearing these kids for life. I want young children to understand that just because you arn't blessed with the best sporting abilities in life, does not mean you have to follow societies artificial rules, and stick to a feeble zoning structure, just to try and make it look like you are really making a contest of it all. I get results and I see visible signs of confidence in these young children, so I don't intend on changing my philosophy any time soon.

So that's pretty much why I love playing sports. Watching and following it is an entirely different matter, it just happens to be my number one favourite 'reality show', but I won't go into that. I hope this email did not put you to sleep. I found most of your articles to be well thought out and written, so I hope this wasn't such a mindless bore. I know of another person who is very good at Australian Football and hates it with a passion. His story is much more interesting than mine, so if you would like to read it just send me a message.

Live long and prosper,
Richard.

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26 Oct 09

Subject: To Just Discovered The Wheel

So you think antisports people can't lighten up, huh. If we can't lighten up, how is it that we don't take your idiotic sports seriously? It's usually the dumb jocks who have no sense of humor. Then they try to act funny by taking their insecurities out on the "weak." They'll bounce a ball against your head and say just joking. Lighten up!

I'd like to bounce a ball against your fucking head and see if you can lighten up afterwards.

-Ted

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3 Nov 09

Subject: Overkill

Take me back to the eighties when sport, esp soccer/ football, was confined to Saturday afternoons and only shown as highlights late at night when people were too drunk to care. Nowadays, unless you walk into a specialist pub such as a rock pub, a massive television will be blasting out football and inevitably the opening gambit will be, " do you think Rooney was really offside or was the ref blind as he definitely was NOT offside?". To which I feel like saying, " actually I watched a really good documentary on BBC Four( British version of PBS) about prog rock last night." General response: stunned silence, or " what the fuck are you talking about, there was a really important match on ESPN last night and you watched, whaaat."

You can see why after trying to appease football fans that I needed to escape. Luckily I work on a team where team sports are seldom mentioned, apart from one of the girls who is a secretary to a judo club( more my scene), and the conversation is far more interesting than the same repetitive conversation about a football match that happened 2 days earlier.
Glenn.

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8 Nov 09

Subject: Selfish Pratts

Last night the football mafia in the pub once again got their own way by inflicting 5 hours of Spanish football on everyone. What is so important about FC Tenerife all of a sudden? And no I wasn't prepared to discuss General Franco's free kick for Madrid for half an hour as if it was the most important thing on earth. Meanwhile a far more important programme, which was once required viewing in the country, The British Legion Festival of Remembrance was being shown on BBC1, but oh no General Franco's free kick and Manuel from Barcelona being offside are classed as far more important.
As this is Remembrance Sunday in England, I wonder how many football fans care that millions of young men gave up their lives so they could live in freedom and watch their games. No, the response would probably be, that's ancient history, mate, now was Wayne Rooney really offside in the 28th minute? I am afraid to say football, like reality television, is like a disease that seems to be crowding out other interests among young men.
Glenn.

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9 Nov 09

Subject: why dont you like me? cause you're a complete bastard.

this website is an absolute joke. do you really think your going to eradicate sports just by whining at them on here and saying what a bunch of idiots athletes are? seriously, they get the girls. nerds don't. fact o' life. way of the world. deal with it. sports are great, you lot just hate them becuase non of you ever had the skills to be good at them. i bet ur all goin to get your klingon warriors to come and destroy me now for sayin this... ooo im scared. i suggest u close down the site soon as seriously, ur not goin anywhere. SAVE YOUR TIME! id better be off now before one of you sends ur elvish warriors round my house to kill me.

Lukas P.

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11 Nov 09

Subject: To Lucas

No I don't go around shooting sports fans in drive bys or spit in the faces of sports fans, as many of the more tolerant ones are like us perfectly decent people and respect each other's views. No, it's the intolerant ones who keep thinking men that don't like football are gay and/or totally inadequate for dodging the big match in favour of a Doctor Who episode. So long as the sports fans are OK with me for not watching sports, I'm all right with them. However, it is the sheer overkill and greed that turned me against football in England. In the not too distant past football started at 3pm on a Saturday, was over by 5pm with only an hour of highlights late at night, by which time most people were drunk or in bed or watching a film. It was only a relatively minor distraction at the time and even the committed fans never mentioned it much on weekdays. Nowadays it is shown on television almost every night, bars have huge televisions blasting it out and bars, where people used to go for a relaxing drink and have a conversation, have become dominated by football and sports bores. It is this that I object to and some of the obsessives, not physical activity.

As a postscript, I would restore sports to their rightful environment in Britain, which is a Saturday afternoon or a summer Sunday, and reduce the overkill of football on television which is crippling other activities and indeed other, smaller amateur sports and pastimes.

Glenn.

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14 Nov 09

Subject: dude...

i left a message awhile back and i forgot about it. then i remembred this website and cheked it out. jesus christ, you people are such pussies. i can't believe you called me a fag just because i called u one. last time i checked, almost everyone in my school likes me so i think you're wrong there. and second of all, this isn't how life works! u don't go through life not playing the sports and being whiny faggots wanting to edaricate sports. you play to succeed. well, maybe i was wrong about that, but you're supposed to enjoy high school and i use sports to do that so whatever.

Grow up,

-Harold.

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21 Nov 09

Subject: You're not alone

Brothers
Don't think by not liking team sports you're alone. I work on a desk of eight people- the guy next to me only has a very passing interest in football( motorbikes are his real passion), the girl opposite does judo but considers team sports to be totally boring and the others only watch sports occasionally and in the case of James never, as he is totally into his heavy metal band and community work. What a better variety of conversation we have than that which comes out of the football and rugby fans at the back who drone on about sports for hours on end, but if you want to talk about anything intellectual, they haven't got a clue.

Also I find a lot of sports nuts have very basic tastes- they read the cheapest, most banal tabloid papers ( ones full of celebrity gossip and football reports), listen to banal music like dance or indie rock ( Oasis variety), watch mass audience rubbish when sport isn't on the television and tend to vote the same way. Basically a lot of them can't think for themselves and are terrified of being different. However, I did read a survey where one in four men have little or no interest in sport in Britain, so we're not some tiny minority.
Glenn.

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28 Nov 09

Subject: Yes, I'm a girl who hates sports! I admit it with pride!

I found this site while I was looking for something totally different, but thank goodness I did! It’s nice to know you’re no alone, isn’t it?

Now, first off, I’m a female. I know most of the viewers on here are male, so I want to make that clear. It seems to me most females who don’t like sports tend to be quiet about that, partly because there are many many many more females that do, and partly because it’s seen as antifemale. Kind of like, “You don’t want girls in sports? You trying to push girls down? Calling women weak? You sexist? You gay?” I’m not even going to get into the steryotype of gay people and sports. It would make this five times as long.

No, I’m a feminist, the last thing I'd ever want to do is push women down. My little sister and one of my friends are both good at American football, and I’m proud of them! And if you’re going to call me sexist, take a look at the number of sports fans that create offensive things like fantasy football. And let’s not forget the number of players that beaten their wives and probably many others. Yet, the huge amount of women who love sports will just shove that under the rug, because, well, it's SPORTS. So maybe you’re thinking I’m bad at them, or maybe that I was picked last in sports? Actually, sure, I got made fun of, but that means nothing. I was pretty good at baseball, thank you very much.

Do I hate sports geeks? Not at all. My dad and my sister both adore football, as do many of my relatives and some of my friends, and I’m totally cool with that. You know why? Because they respect that I don’t like it. If more of you sport geeks showed respect to us not interested in the hobby, maybe this site wouldn’t be so needed, ever think about that?

So why do I hate it? Hmm. Could it be the overexposed over hyped media heads raining down their way-to-much-money earning sports stars on our heads like they’re gods? Or maybe the fact that I’ve had two female teachers (who I respected) indirectly insult me by stating “Who doesn’t like sports? That’s just un-American!” Or the age old idea that people who like sports are referred to as “jocks” whereas people who like other pastimes are referred to as “____ geeks” Or the fact that you have to pay cable networks for their stupid channels on your TV that you don’t even watch. Or it could be the horrible mandatory pep rallies I was forced to suffer through in middle school, which were not only horrible but only promoted two types of sports. Or maybe how it seems like if you don’t like this particular hobby you suddenly feel alone in the world?

Heck, I don’t even consider American football to be a real sport. I think cheerleaders were invented so people with real talent can perform and make the football players look like they’re doing more then tossing a ball, running, and hitting each other. I’m not a cheerleader, nor would I ever be one, but I do acknowledge dancing as athletic. Next time those sport geeks want to make fun of a guy who wants to try out for cheerleading, maybe they ought to consider that he’s the one doing the athletic stuff. The sports geeks who stay and insult this site make me laugh they’re continually proving all our points. I’ve only seen a few arguments here that were actually decent arguments (not to say I agreed with them). I mean, seriously. I feel bad for the decent sport geeks I know who have to put up with all this negative stuff because of all the other people.

Funny how the one guy said “how do you get girls and be popular if you don’t play sports”. Sure, yeah, maybe people like you do get girls, but you certainly don’t usually get the decent ones. And if you do, then I hope that girl comes to her senses. Boy, venting feels good, doesn’t it?
Amanda

P.S. And I want to thank the guy who mentioned the Dead Kennedys' Jock-O-Rama song. Awesome song

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12 Dec 09

Subject: My opinion

Wow, how bout that? A website devoted to sports haters! Never thought I'd live to see the day. I think calling them stuff like "brain-dead sports fans" is a bit extreme, but there could very well be something wrong with sport fanaticism. I'm a Minnesotan in the grocery business overnight and our store is having free meal days for football events on daytime only; how ridiculous is this?! It seems like The Game episode of Star Trek TNG, hahaha! Ok, I know sports fans are not so hopelessly addicted that they force the rest of us to get involved, but it COULD happen with all the heavy promotion.

Seriously though. I'm not a hater, but I "generally" don't have much use for sports. I enjoy a little baseball and other non-contact sports on rare occasions, but for CHRISSAKES, this ridiculous obsession with football really gets on my nerves. I can't go anywhere without seeing something about the Vikings. GOD HELP US.

Brian

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14 Dec 09

Subject: HAROLD REVISITED AGAIN...

Oh and more for you Harold, if you return here again, get upset by my response to your letter and decide you want to try and have a go at me, I'm all for it. My email address is i_like_1981@hotmail.co.uk. Feel free to drop me an email anytime and harass me and my views on sports and idiotic assholetes like yourself. I look forward to hearing your opinions. I could do with a laugh!

Happy holidays idiot.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

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18 Dec 09

Subject: We can do better.

I too am not a fan of traditional team sports. Just never saw the reason for it and never had an atraction to it. Now even more as I see so many of my students (teacher by profession) pushed into "conforming" to the illusion of sport.

I am not worried about "catching the girls" and I never was. In fact I married the head cheerleader and she was on the basketball team that won state... and she did letter in volleyball... and she also lettered in track... and she was drill team captain... and valedictorian and again valedictorian in college too... and... been married to her for 25 years now.

Okay, back to me. My favorite activity in high school was getting out of school and into the woods and mountains where I felt at home. To me an evening snowshoe treck of five or six miles was the best way to end a sucky day of school.

I did run in high school. I ran alot in Infantry Training too. All that running felt the same... dull... compared to a good hard treck in the backcountry.

I just turned 47. Even now I can't wait to hit another trail into the back parts of nowhere.

You see, I work with people for a living but my true nature is that of an introvert. I recharge from within or with a few certain chosen people and some wilderness recreation. I don't need sports. Sadly, the fans of sport just can't understand either the introvert or the desire for solitude in the outdoors.

Our school programs do fall short. We do need to reevaluate our lifetime sport options and offer students the right to opt out of team sports and follow other avenues of fitness such as hiking, nordic skiing, alpine skiing, whatever an area has to offer.

I also enjoyed bodybuilding. I know for a fact that coaches were annoyed that I wasted my size by not playing their sacred football. My own kids are athletic. They are whitewater kayak guides, rock climbers, lifeguards, ski instructors and shunners of coaches. They are all fine musicians too. Each plays a variety of instruments and music has taken them all across the country. Music and outdoor recreation. No need for team sports. In fact they are greatful they didn't get sucked into the illusion because thay came out with so many other varied talents.

At school the coaches just can't converse on any subject but sport for more than a moment. I enjoy flying and I enjoy talking of flying and would love to tell them who won the 2009 Gold race at the Reno Air Races this year but it would be a mute effort. Too far from their interest level.

I am going to ask my wife to close this but let it be known team sports fans, "There is a whole other world of adventure out there... join us if you wish, leave us alone if you don't and don't bar us from following our dreams."

Ken

As an adult who played sports in high school, but got over it, I think that the whole classifying people as athletic or not based on team sports is meaningless. I enjoy the sports I do now more than I did the team sports I enjoyed in high school. Now we backpack, cross country ski, swim, walk and jog, whatever the outdoors is offering at the time. It is much more satisfying physically and emotionally than the team sports ever were. I wish a P.E. teacher had taught me about the endless opportunities for physical fitness, like yoga, tai chi, etc that you don't need a ball or a team to enjoy.

Marsha

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22 Dec 09

Subject: Why sports are so popular

Although I don't hate all sports, I think the majority of sports fans take their interest in them much, much too far. Nevertheless, if you're baffled as to why sports are so popular, pick up a copy of Billions and Billions: Thoughts on Life and Death at the Brink of the Millennium by the late great Carl Sagan. In his essay entitled "Monday Night Hunters," he makes an excellent case for why sports continue to be - and why they will forever be - rampantly popular.

Gordon

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29 Dec 09

Subject: thanks for your website!

I don't know if this the place to write a feedback but I'm so THRILLED you are there!
I've been leaving in the US at the last four years, and all I can say it that I think this sport cultures is so LOW.
Sports is a religion and you can't avoid it. Unfortunately my husband like Sports and he even played in college...
All my life I prayed for a sport hater husband but what can you do (he is perfect besides that..)
So I'm glad you opened a group like that- hope your voice will be heard more and more!

BTW- LOVE your logos ----I would deff buy a shirt or poster if you will have them.

Cheers!

ME

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30 Dec 09

Subject: Faking a Sportsgasm

By all accounts, I should be obsessed with sports – a downright sportsaholic. I fit the profile dead on. I’m a white male in my early forties, married with three young kids, working in the epicenter of a sports mania hub, otherwise known as Boston. Heck, I can practically hear the crack of the bat at Fenway from my office.

Still, I’m not into watching sports or guzzling the mandatory beer that goes with it. Never have been, never will be. It’s just not my thing. I prefer a good documentary on PBS and a nice Chardonnay. (And no, I’m not gay. I’m not even bi-curious.) Instead, I think I have a chromosome deficiency. Is there such a thing as an “S” chromosome? If so, mine is definitely missing.

Long ago, I learned that even if you’re not into sports you still need to be able to hold your own in sports conversations. That’s because sports talk rears its head daily at work and in life. When you talk sports, you bond with people (lots of men and many women too). Bonding can mean closing that next business deal, getting an invite to that hip party, making it to that critical second more. So I did the sensible thing. I began faking sportsgasms.

Over the years, I’ve refined my technique. I’ve experimented along the way; some things have worked, some haven’t. (Peacock feathers don’t work.) After nearly two decades, I have mastered the art of faking a sportsgasm. It is this wisdom that I now impart onto you.

Check out my blog at http://fakingasportsgasm.wordpress.com

Regards,

Craig Venezia